The Chicklettes’s growing up.
Bloggy friends, folk warned me: they did! They said to treasure the time while my children are little, because it is over so soon. At the time, buried under mountains of washing, changing nappies, pureeing vegetables, and teaching ABC’s, it was hard not to look forward to when I’d see a little more independence.
Those same dear folk were just as likely to mutter dark sayings about, “If you think this stage is hard, wait until you have teenagers – then you’ll know what hard is!” Which, I might add, is about as constructive and encouraging as those who share horror birth stories with you in the last week of your pregnancy. (And what’s more, I so far maintain that it is not true. Little children are hard work. Big children are hard work. Parenting is hard work! But each stage has its joys.
)
What has been on my mind lately is how to make the most of the sunset of childhood for my eldest girl. Opportunities for memories I want her to have of childhood that are yet unfulfilled, need to happen in a twinkling. :) I am a goal setting, list writing sort of character, and early on, aimed to create a firm sense of family, and to provide some of the experiences that I loved as a child. We’ve camped, explored creeks, been to the beach, holidayed on farms, walked the rain forests, held baby animals, planted edibles, been canoeing, read glorious books together, and had spontaneous adventures. It’s been a lot of fun, and we are blessed to have had family and friends who are keen to share these experiences with the girls.
As I witness the beautiful thing that is dawning womanhood in my first born, I still long to cram in any last experience that childhood thrills to. So… we went to the rock pools last weekend, and this week we bought a couple of up-in-an-instant little tents. We have a serious, heavy duty monster one, but it makes me shudder to think of the effort to deal with it, particularly as it always seems to rain on the day we pack up and it has to be pulled out and dried at home – no mean feat. And just as we have the new facilities for more spontaneous happenings, we find ourselves invited out this weekend for a bonfire and camp out. Just the thing!
There is of course the obligatory stuff that needs to be accomplished before I launch her out in the world – education, domestic management, character: and all those things are important. But it’s the delight in simple, natural things; the things that we no longer make time for when the cares and distractions of adulthood press in, those are what I want to do while I wring the last vestiges of opportunity from this period.
Here’s my list to accomplish in the next 12 months. There are other activities I would like to do, but these I think are most likely to happen, and some have plans already in the making:
Two short camping trips
Boating
Vegetable garden. Vegetable garden? Yes, the Chicklette loves to grow things, and so far we have been reluctant to plough up the lawn (we have established trees all around the perimeter of the yard and only the very middle gets any sun) leaving her to garden only in pots. But what’s a bit of lawn, yes?
Fossicking
Fishing
Medieval fair and museum
Heritage festival
Period ball
At least one trip to visit our dear friends at Marigold Cottage
When I asked the Chicklette what she thought should be added to this list, her response was instantaneous: “Bake a pecan pie!” (Insert bemused mother face here.) She has not long had braces removed, but who would have thought that a two year deprivation of sweet, sticky things would still be so fresh in her mind? Stay tuned for reports of our next adventures, and .. ah.. pecan pie.



Apr 29, 2011 @ 08:16:10
For what it’s worth, I completely agree with her decision to add the pecan pie!
It is one of my personal favorites, along with coconut cream, fudge, cherry, apple, key lime… and just about anything else in a pie crust. 
Have fun with the next 12 months; and thanks for posting. Such a good reminder not to let my girl grow up too quickly…
Apr 30, 2011 @ 21:09:15
Whitney! I have obviously been pie deprived.
Apple is the only thing from your list that I’ve tried. But some of those others sound delightful
Thanks for your comment.
Apr 30, 2011 @ 22:26:41
Oh yes! You really must try more pie varieties!
As a bonus, if you have leftover pie crust, brush a little melted butter on it, sprinkle with cinnamon & sugar, fold in half & press together, and then bake. It makes a super yummy treat in addition to the wonderful pie…
Hmmm… may have to make a pie soon…
May 01, 2011 @ 07:49:03
Whitney, you funny girl, that idea sounds great: but I doubt my hips will thank you!
Apr 29, 2011 @ 10:16:56
“sunset of childhood”
“dawning womanhood”
How poetic of you Mrs BB.
But a very apt description. I do like your list – may even pinch a few ideas myself. I especially like the one about visiting friends
, and maybe we can help you out with some boating? Of course that means we will have to actually dust off our boat – our boat has been neglected due to our ‘liitle bit of renovating’!! But, people keep telling, renovating doesn’t really last forever!
Strange, how I find myself mulling over similar thoughts at around the same time! Our time is limited – how much can I cram into the time I have left with my daughter before she flies the nest? And how is that we have all these years before growing up is upon us, and yet it still catches us by surprise?
Apr 30, 2011 @ 21:29:02
Hello Amy friend, knocking off visiting and boating from the list in one go would be a bonus, but rest assured that the mere mention of visiting alone is enough to send the house into raptures.
As for renovating not lasting forever… it IS Mr Marigold Cottage we’re talking about…
And how is that we have all these years before growing up is upon us, and yet it still catches us by surprise?
At least we may be more prepared when it comes to our little girls ♥
Apr 29, 2011 @ 11:17:52
Wonderful thoughts and a beautiful picture of your young lady.
Apr 30, 2011 @ 21:33:56
Thanks, Ruby.
Apr 30, 2011 @ 21:28:31
Beautiful, my dear friend… both the photo and your thoughts. You may or may not get through everything on your list but I’m not sure that the is the main point. The fact that your heart is turned toward a relationship with your daughter, your desire for her best (character, education, etc) will happen even if you do miss out on some of these opportunities. You may find that other things happen that are equally as beneficial even though not on your list… but you know this- it’s a fact of life. Yes?. She will see and appreciate your heart. And aside from that, it is a beautiful example for her to see and model. Bless you …
Apr 30, 2011 @ 21:37:34
Hello Our Susan, you’re right, perhaps not everything will be achieved (our bonfire and camp this weekend was a washout – but Bluestockings camping and wet weather seem to go together). But I can pretty much guarantee the pecan pie – Mr BB was *very* keen on that idea. (rolls eyes – in respect and love, of course.)
May 01, 2011 @ 13:22:15
Ahhh Mrs BB, what a lovely post – I agree with everything you write (especially small tents – I definitely need some of those – am totally over the 9 man monstrosity which is soooo over the top for our little 4 person family!).
Have you thought about a raised garden bed rather than digging up the lawn? They are very popular over here – probably because they can easily be put under shade to get away from our terribly warm summer days.
http://www.needarainwatertank.com.au/gardenbeds-1.html
http://www.weatherworks.com.au/?p=6329
Mmmmm pecan pie sounds very delicious to me.
Love Fee
May 01, 2011 @ 16:01:09
Fee, thanks for those links – that looks like a great idea. Anything that means no actual digging has to be a bonus for my I’d-rather-read-a-book soul. (I’m not admitting to laziness, no, bookish-ness is … something different.
)
May 01, 2011 @ 19:37:27
I also have a teenage girl and I am treasuring our time. Our bond deepens as she matures.
Although we are learning about the sophistication of womanhood we are working on the maturity that comes with being a woman.
Smiles
Michelle
May 01, 2011 @ 23:09:28
Hello Michelle
The maturity. We’ve had lots of discussions at our house about tying privilege to maturity, rather than age. It’s a tricky one, as I have a little soul just two years younger than the Chicklette, and I have told them both that age will not take precedence in the matter of freedoms extended, but that freedom and privilege will be given in direct response to well managed responsibilities.
It sounded reasonable when I made that decision, but implementing it is a little harder. Not only is the idea that the eldest should do everything first so firmly grounded into my mind from my own childhood, but circumstances don’t always facilitate a perfect working of it. Parenting is such an experiment!
Thanks for joining in!
May 03, 2011 @ 18:25:06
Mrs BB, my eldest daughter will turn 18 in a few short months, and yes, the time goes fleeting by. The development in maturity from 16-17 is heaps and then from 17-18 is heaps again. Which I’m sure we mums are very glad for. A lovely post, and isn’t it so pleasant and to have a child add such a simple delight as a pecan pie to the list – bless the chicklette for being so easy to please! I suppose that easiness to please is a vestige of childhood that we can carry into adulthood.
I’m curious to know, though, (not a request to blog about it unless you want to) what your thoughts are on what is a girl to do with her life in the years after childhood and before marriage? I’m sure you have thoughts on a list somewhere!
elle xx
May 04, 2011 @ 21:38:33
Ah, Elle, you’ve hit on just the thing I had planned to discuss with you when we met up with the everlastingly dear Amy. I was sure that a discussion with the two of you would help me to a clearer idea of my own thoughts on the issue.
So far they are still a little jumbled. But for what it’s worth, here is a summary of my conflicting ideas about what to do with my first girl. (I’m hoping it gets easier with the ones that come after.)
I could send her to uni. She’s as clever as a button, and it seems a “waste” not to exploit that. Mr BB would like to see her in the sciences; I would rather see her pursue history studies.
I don’t want to send her to uni. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you my hesitations, but just in case, either of the two options we are inclined toward would involve a huge conflict of worldview, and of course, there’s the same reasons we’ve never wanted to send her to a regular institution.
There is also the line of thinking that since all that time and money has been spent educating a person, they should delay having children to make the most of the career; or worse, not waste it by staying home with their children when they do have them. I have seen this over and over in family and friends where the wife is the one with the degree/higher earning capacity.
Then there is the added pressure of losing qualifications if you are out of the workforce for more than a certain amount of time, or if you don’t maintain a minimum number of hours per month.
Do I want to put all that pressure on my daughter?
But… if I had to, I admit (and I want you to remember how frequently I have openly admitted my issues with pride!) it wouldn’t cause me any grief to thumb my nose at those who have been convinced that I was ruining her life by homeschooling her. (I know, I know, it’s the shabbiest thing to admit. Shabby. But… there it is.)
Other alternatives? She’s doing well with music, and is keen to continue her studies there. If she took to teaching, she could work independently, and it is something that she could continue to do after she had a family if the need or opportunity arose, or do from here before she was married with our protection and guidance.
For a couple of years now she has been working a day a week with Mr BB in the office. This is exposing her to a lot of people with different standards and beliefs to us, and giving her experience of the wider working world, but it is with the protection of her father.
So at the end of all that.. what do I think? Not sure. My quandary is that I might think differently when she is older (she’s still 14 at present), but it makes it rather hard to plan. As for the Chicklette herself, she has expressed her willingness to follow our direction, but what she will want for herself at 14 and what she will want at 17 – we all know that those years are times for change. So… at present I plan and prepare for Uni in case that is the eventuality, but.. in my heart of hearts, I’d rather not, and don’t think it best for her.
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
xx
May 05, 2011 @ 07:57:17
Thanks for sharing with us, Mrs BB. My thoughts? Well, they are many and probably quite as indecisive as yours, though Mr elle and I are agreed that she shuold stay at home (somehow!). But how to make a useful and contributing-to-society kind of life is still my quandary, not to mention one that can also earn an income (though not the priority). We are not against university studies at all (she has just completed a cert IV in Small Bus Management by distance), and she loves to write and so would probably enjoy and do well at lit studies – though then there is the dilemma of ‘on-campus’ life. Ds has coped quite well, though dealing with expectations of ‘career’ and all the pressure that goes with it is very different for a young man than for a young woman imo. There is too little room to discuss at length here (perhaps we could dig up the old Spirit led forum?). The whole point of a girl staying at home means that pressure is placed on the father. It is difficult for them, and understandably, but we all have the mindset that once a child is 18, they are left to themselves. I’m questioning that, and of we then cry ‘ACCKK!’ then what ARE we supposed to do with them? Heehee, I’d like to go on but I might take over your blog!!
Let me know if we can find a way to chew these things over.
elle xx
May 05, 2011 @ 21:24:46
Elle, I very much hear what you’re saying. The SL forum is a good idea. See you over there
May 05, 2011 @ 22:45:54
Hi there,
Yes, this discussion has evolved quite substantially from its original maritime beginnings! I would like to follow this conversation, but am not privy to the SL forum, so will make a small contribution here, from the “other side”.
I’m a university educated woman, and my DH is a “blue collar” worker. Indeed I identify with the sentiments here. I have gestated, delivered, taken maternity leave, and returned to work four times now. I have four wonderful children.
The self imposed pressure that I felt was enormous, to use my education to create security for my family. The conditions and pay that my DH worked in were so much physically harder, and paid so much less than I earned, sitting in my air conditioned office. I could see that his physical life was being shortened by the hard labour he was required to do forty hours a week. Where he didn’t get to see his children for very long each day. Then there is the obligation of returning to work in order to retain my position, as I would not find another position like it without relocating our family.
However, we are now in a position where we can give so much time to our children. It has worked out well for us. I work 7 hours a week and my DH works 10 hours in a different occupation. I know it could have worked out very differently.
I could discuss this further, but this is not the forum to do so.
Its so complicated, having choices.
Bye for now,
H
May 06, 2011 @ 08:36:00
Thanks for sharing your experience with us, Heidi. While it has worked out for good in your family, the pressure you speak of is what I don’t know that I could subject her to. In many of our family and friends, the pressure to work through pregnancy and beyond is enormous. Then there is the possible tension created by the wage earning/responsibility shouldering differences between spouses. So much to think about.
It is complicated having choices, and it’s made more so when you are responsible for guiding those choices in your child. I’m glad there is a little more time to think it out yet.
Thanks for wading in, Heidi, and giving another perspective.
May 11, 2011 @ 22:38:04
Enjoyed this exploration of how to fill a year of transition. My eldest will (hopefully) graduate from high school next month. He now has his drivers license and has already “marked” the car beyond repair. It will run, but it will never look the same.
If you want a new and good pecan pie recipe, I have my mother’s. My mother-in-law liked it so much she got a copy and uses it every year. Enjoy your year and best wishes with all those wonderful plans.
What is fossicking?
May 12, 2011 @ 22:13:58
Yousei, I can’t imagine having one of my children drive my car. Can’t imagine. Hats off to you for surviving him attaining his license!
As for the pecan pie recipe – yes, please! I’m always open to try something well recommended. Post here in comments, post on your blog and leave a link here, or email direct – either way will see me grateful – thanks!
Fossicking? Not sure what you call it over there. It’s rock hunting, gem hunting? There are lots of places where you can go to a live mining site, or you can work over old sites, and find sapphires and other pretty stones. We have played a little at it before and found a few small sapphires, but this time I would like to head up north to a place well known for thunder eggs. Beautiful!
May 12, 2011 @ 22:59:53
Looks like your going to have plenty of pie recipes. Here’s mine anyway:
Texas Pecan Pie
1 cup pecans (a bit more is ok)
)
4 eggs
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 1/2 cups light Karo syrup (You have this? Its a brand of corn syrup)
1/8 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla (I ALWAYS put more
1/4 cup melted margarine/butter
Beat the eggs. Add sugar, syrup, salt, vanilla and lastly butter. Place pecans in the bottom of an UNBAKED pie crust. Pour egg mixture over pecans. Bake at 350 degrees F for 50-60 minutes.
Its a basic recipe and maybe pretty close to what you’re already using. Rock hunting sounds like great fun, but you’ve left me with another question. What are thunder eggs?
May 12, 2011 @ 23:01:23
I thought I posted a reply with the recipe, but I don’t see it. Let me know if I did please.
May 12, 2011 @ 23:02:03
I see it now.
May 13, 2011 @ 22:22:56
Yousei, thanks for sharing your recipe – it sounds delicious!
Thunder eggs… let me see if I can find you a picture. They are all different. I have a very large one that has been halved, cut and polished that I use as book ends.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ironrodart/5209201734/
May 14, 2011 @ 05:41:49
Thanks for the link. I wondered if they might not be geodes.
I’ve always liked them. Guess I’ll have to find one for our house too. Now, where to look?
Let me know if you try the pie and how you liked it.
Dec 13, 2011 @ 20:23:47